Happy Love Day!
February 14, 2011 § 10 Comments
Before Robert, I was a member of the Lonely Hearts Club (well…not officially…). I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would never find love, that I was not a lovable person, that I was destined for a life of loneliness. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that every Valentine’s Day would be Singles Awareness Day for the rest of my life. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my home would be empty unless I brought in animals (like my two beautiful kitty cats Callie and Beatrice).
And then I met Robert in January 2007. And all of a sudden, not only was I feeling things I had never before felt, but I was also faced with a peculiar dilemma:
I had never had a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day before!
I polled my girlfriends on my old LiveJournal as well as my MySpace profile for help: what do you get a boy for Valentine’s Day when you’ve only been officially dating for ten days? (We officially started our relationship on Super Bowl Sunday, February 4, 2007.) Of all the ideas my friends offered me, it was Tonia who offered the best one: a journal of some nature with favorite poetry in it. I loved that idea. So, I set to work writing a number of poems that reminded me of Robert and/or the way he made me feel. I purposefully avoided poems that incorporated the word “love” because we certainly hadn’t made it that far into our relationship by Valentine’s Day.
Robert took me to dinner at a highish-end restaurant (for this area’s standards), which was quite a treat. I bought a couple of date night essentials (a new dress, new shoes, a new necklace), and I was ready to go. Our Valentine’s Day dinner was romantic, tasty, and intimate. I started to fall in love with him that night.
And I’m continuing that trajectory today. Ever falling in love with him…but it oddly feels like falling up. I’m certainly not down, am I?
Robert is taking me to dinner at that same restaurant tonight. We haven’t been on a date there just the two of us in quite a long while. I’m really looking forward to it…although, this time around I haven’t put forth as much mental anguish agonizing over my outfit and what to give him for Valentine’s Day. We are actually saving up a little money to buy a new dinner table (not for the dining room…something closer to a breakfast room table, since we do not have the cash flow for a whole dining room table). That will be our Valentine’s Day gift to each other. And how grown-up are we? Lol. Buying furniture for a romantic gift. Lol. It happens, folks.
And although I love writing about my husband and our relationship, I had another intention for today’s post.
I wanted to write a letter to my past self. From A.Hab. to the younger version she was when she was still A.Wo.
To the Lonely Hearts Club unofficial member:
Valentine’s Day hurts. It reminds you of what you do not have and encourages you to dig your heels in even harder to believe that you don’t even want what you don’t have. You want to beat them at their own game–if you are to be rejected in love, then you want to reject love first. This is not healthy.
Instead, today I want you to be grateful for all the ways in which love presents itself to you daily. You may not experience romantic love today, but you don’t need to. You are loved. Consider your family who have supported you every step of the way. Consider your friends who make you laugh, with whom you spend your free time. When you spend a day wallowing in self-pity and in misery that you are not romantically linked with anyone, you end up allowing your own happiness to be determined by something that is lacking. Rather than focusing on the lack, focus on the abundance in your life.
And this is what I want to say to everyone who might hate Valentine’s Day because of what it represents and how it might hurt their feelings. Please spend today thinking about how love reveals itself to you on a daily basis. This does not have to be erotic or romantic love. But love in general. Even on our darkest days, we can say that we are loved by at least one person in this wide world. And I think that it is much more worth our while if we spend our time celebrating that love than wallowing in self-pity because we may not have a date on Valentine’s Day.
Revel in love of any form today.
Feel grateful that you are alive and well and capable of feeling loved by someone.
Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!