How to remain hopeful without obsessing

This afternoon’s meeting with the director went rather well. These are my immediate impressions: 1. I want this job, 2. the director is really kind and genuinely cares about students and their needs, 3. I want this job.

I went in and essentially interviewed her. I asked her what the job entails (more specifically than what is listed on the job description). I asked her what needs she feels are lacking suitable attention right now. I asked her about her vision for the future of the position, the future of the office. I asked her about staffing concerns, training concerns, usage concerns.

I attempted to exude confidence, genuine interest and concern for the job (because, well, I am genuinely interested and concerned). I wanted her to see in me the Perfect Candidate. I don’t know if I successfully achieved that–there were obvious areas where I am green, but she seemed willing to overlook those in lieu of other types of experience.

And now I’m sitting here wanting this job so badly I can feel it in my bones. I took a nap this afternoon and actually dreamt about what I would do in this job.

The trouble, of course, with wanting something this bad is that there is a great deal of room for disappointment. But…this is different. I didn’t want the fellowship as badly as I want this job. And I really wanted that fellowship. That should indicate just how badly I want this job. I want to do this specific job because I believe I would be an amazing fit–I have the requisite energy, enthusiasm, and vision. I want this specific job because it would be an amazing fit–it appeals to so many of my interests, concerns, and motivations.

I would do a great job at this job. And I truly believe that this job would do a great job…at me. I feel confident when speaking about details that concern the job with friends. I have innovative, progressive ideas that support the job’s current mission but improve upon its strengths.

I am trying to keep my hopes up, my confidence up…but also not depend solely on this job as an option. I will still be keeping my eyes open.

Like the girl who really wishes that cute boy would ask her to prom, I’ll hedge my bets and consider dancing with that boy with the headgear…but secretly, I really really hope the hot one asks me out.